1. juni 2012

The end and the beginning

This thing about switching language to English on this blog ... there is something I have not brought forward about that, but now it is time: English is - I believe - on a symbolic level the language of some of the positive aspects of my shadow, and finally daring and being bold enough to write in English has been and still is a very powerful way for me to make parts of myself visible, parts that I have until now hidden carefully. Those few of you who have followed this blog from the beginning, might remember this very early post and see the context. (It is still true, though, as stated in a previous post, that I wanted to practise my English, which at the same time means training untrained sides of myself. And in the same way it is still true that I wanted to broaden my range, or actually even bust some limitations).

I find that I have fullfilled my intents. I dared. I made visible. I got out from under (a part of) my shadow.

And now it is time to end this blog and move on to something new. Jannes sted/Janne’s Blog has been a very vital part of my process up to this point, but now I feel the energy of both working and contributing within this framework is running out for me. It has been so wonderfully valuable to me while it worked, but my overall feeling for a long time has been a strong urge to break free of old patterns and habits and ways of looking at myself, and I think and feel this blog is one of the things I have to leave in the attempt to meet that urge.

As this is the end of something, it is also the beginning of something else. At this point of my life I face the challenge of living together with my family, working, and generally socializing in a new way. I have to take a deep breath and find a way to include more teaching in my life and maybe also more writing. Two kinds of work I have always loved, but unfortunately also let my shadow tell me I was inadequate to do for years and years. It will not be an easy task, but now I feel ready to take up the gauntlet.

I want to thank all of you who have followed this blog for a shorter or longer while. I can not thank you enough for being there and meeting me where I was at any given time; it has had a tremendous effect on the development of my courage and will to walk my path. To make myself seen and yet experience that I would not be abandoned, beaten, or humiliated for it by everybody, as I have otherwise learned to expect early in life, has been an ongoing, very fearful challenge to me, but also such an incredibly enriching experience. That is what this shadow-thing is all about for me, and I will be forever grateful to you who have shown me by your mere presence that it could be done.

Especially I want to thank you who have taken the time to read my posts carefully and reflectively and via comments, mails and personal meetings have shared your thoughts and feelings with me in words reaching down below a polite surface and up above the laws of blog karma. It has been conversations spoken in the language of my heart, and I keep them all in a very safe place as a valuable treasure.

I will end this blog almost like I started it, closing the circle in the most illustrative way I can think of right now. Enjoy the music, it starts by 2:20 - and in that way I switch back to Danish for at gøre plads til Lis Sørensens smukke ord, som jeg synes i min tolkning passer fuldkommen her. "Livet kom og tog mig tilbage igen". Det er lige dét. Lad os aldrig tvivle på at havet er præcis så blåt som vi er i stand til at se, og at vi kan komme til at se verden i farver igen.